FJYPB top tips

1. Be sensitive to my background, to my family’s background and consider the impact of this upon me.
2. Be considerate of religious festivals and days when arranging meetings with me or other children and young people.
3. Ask me, get to know me and speak to me not through me.
4. All people working in family justice should receive training in understanding diversity.
5. My age, disability, gender, race, religion, beliefs and sexual orientation should not prejudice the decision making.
6. Be able to identify and respond to my specific and diverse needs.
7. Write interesting things about me such as my hobbies and favourite music.
8. Ask me to draw or describe myself to understand how I identify myself.
9. Communicate with me in a way I can understand you.  Use tools and resources to help.  Check out that I can understand you.
10. Be patient with me. Give me enough time to understand and express my view.
11. Be aware of language barriers. I may have different interpretations of different words. Double check that you and I both understand what is being said.
12. Don’t allow your personal judgements to impact on what you think of me.
13. Do not underestimate me because of my age.  
14. Get to know me. I am me – I am unique.
15. Don’t expect me to be comfortable the first time we meet.
16. Be mindful of my mental or physical health.

Aleesha is a valued and enthusiastic member of the FJYPB. She has ambitions of becoming a Family Law Barrister and a British wheelchair tennis a Paralympian. Aleesha has cerebral palsy which affects her muscles, balance and co-ordination on her right side. From her experience of working with various professionals Aleesha has produced a series of TOP TIPS for family justice practitioners working with children and young people with disabilities.

1. Respect me and my disability.
2. See me for what I can do, not what I can't do.
3. Educate yourself about my disability.
4. Ask me questions about my disability and how it affects me.
5. Adapt your working style to suit my needs. (For example, I have cerebral palsy which affects my right side. I can draw pictures with my left hand but you have to allow me time to this properly - I can do most things as long as I have support.)
6. Be creative with the tools you use with me.
7. Do not make assumptions about me.
8. Do not talk about me and do not talk down to me.
9. Speak in simple language and always listen to me.
10. Always include me.

Matthew is a valued and enthusiastic member of the FJYPB as well as being a part of other youth groups in his local area. He has experience of private law proceedings and has Aspersers Syndrome. From his experience of working with various professionals Matthew has produced a series of TOP TIPS that help him feel at ease and able to effectively engage in services. Matthew would like to share these with all professionals who work with him and other children and young people who have Autism.

1. I like professionals to talk to me calmly.
2. Don’t talk over me, let me finish talking first and wait for me to answer your questions.
3. Don’t treat me or speak to me like a baby.
4. Give me simple questions so I don’t get confused.
5. Always use eye contact and ask me if I understand.
6. Never try to force me to do things I don’t want to do.
7. Never make false promises. If you’re doing something I will always think it is a promise.
8. I like it when I am given good feedback.
9. I don’t tend to show much emotion if any at all.
10. I am a creature of habit and I like routine.
11. When I get upset I like to be left alone in a safe environment.
12. Make sure you always listen to me as sometimes I get frustrated and I can lose my temper.

Sasha has worked closely with the rest of the Board to develop key top tips for Cafcass practitioners working with children and young people to encourage best practice.

1. The child should be consulted about the timing and venue of any meetings held with them.
2. Every child or young person should have sufficient time to build a relationship with the Cafcass worker involved in their case.
3. The child or young person should feel that their needs, wishes and feelings have been listened to, valued and respected.
4. Children and young people should be offered the opportunity to express their wishes and feeling using effective and age-appropriate tools and resources that best meet their needs.
5. Every child or young person should have clear contact details for their Cafcass worker including office address, telephone number and email address.
6. Every child or young person should have the opportunity through the Cafcass worker of submitting their views directly to the judge in writing.
7. Children and young people should be kept informed about the court proceedings in an age-appropriate manner.
8. For Cafcass workers to give consideration to the sibling relationship (inclusive of step and half siblings whom the child may or may not reside with).
9. Do not use jargon – make language clear, understandable and age appropriate and use methods of communication that children and young people are used to.
10. Every child or young person should have the opportunity to give feedback on family justice services.

Keeping children and young people engaged and informed is a way of ensuring their voice is heard. The FJYPB and Cafcass have produced best practice tips for ensuring children and young people are kept informed and at the centre of their case.

1. Allow enough time to get to know me and for us to build up a trusting relationship. Be friendly and approachable. It may take time for me to feel comfortable talking about personal issues.
2. Ask me when and where I would like to meet with you. Please don't assume that my school is the best place. Also please let me know in advance about the meeting.
3. Be creative and use different tools and methods that will help me talk about personal things with you. Let’s also have some fun along with more serious discussions.
4. Be honest with me. Keep me updated about any decisions made or possible changes to my life. Make sure I really understand what is happening and what my options are.
5. Be easy to contact. Give me your contact details (telephone number and email address). Get back to me as quickly as possible if I contact you.
6. If you can’t meet with me or you go off work absent, make sure I am informed. Also ensure I have another person I can contact if I need to. Who knows what is going on with me?
7. Please do share my information if you have to hand over to another social worker. Make sure that the things that are important to me don't get lost or forgotten.
8. Be prepared and please read my case file before we meet. I do not want to have to keep repeating myself.
9. Remember the important dates and achievements for me. Don't just get in touch for reviews and meetings. If you are writing reports about me offer to share the information with me.
10. Ensure I know how I can give feedback and who I can talk to if I am unhappy with something.
11. I understand that you have to share some information with other people, but not everyone involved in my life needs to know everything. Please respect my privacy and ask me for permission of what information I want sharing and with whom. Please be aware that I might be embarrassed if you share specific information about me.
12. My siblings are very important to me, but I may want different things to them. See us as individuals. Meet us separately and together.
13. Remember that I have family and friends that are important to me and I might need your help to maintain those relationships.
14. Ask me about my life, what is important to me and about my hobbies and interests. These things make up who I am. Consider  these when making decisions about my life.

Below is the British Sign Language (BSL) version of the Top tips for social workers working with children and young people:

Keeping children and young people engaged and informed is a way of ensuring their voice is heard. The FJYPB and Cafcass have produced best practice tips for ensuring children and young people are kept informed and at the centre of their case.

1. Ask children and young people directly how they would like to be kept informed. You can: give the child or young person your email address; share your telephone number to call or use text messages or WhatsApp to keep in touch; write them a short letter and include a stamp addressed envelope to enable them to write back. 
2. Give all children and young people a clear timeline of your involvement. This can be via a letter or in person and should explain: Your role, when you will be seeing them and how long for; The role of other professionals who may be involved; When you will write your report and when the hearing date/s are.
3. Speak to them after they have spent time with the other parent, rather than, or as well as, ringing the parent for feedback.
4. If you are recommending something contrary to their wishes and feelings speak to them about why this is or write to them. Judges are increasingly doing this via letters or meetings which makes the child or young person feel more involved in their case.
5. Send the child or young person a photo of yourself before you meet the child or young person– this can be really helpful for all children and young people, particularly children who are on the Autistic spectrum.
6. At the end of involvement or after your meeting, write to say thank you, summarise what was said and wish them well and goodbye. Consider the use of a later life letter in public law cases.
7. Sign-post children and young people to relevant information and support services as appropriate, especially at the end of involvement.
8. Have a picture of the child in your mind – ask parents to show you a photo at the FHDRA or during the s.7 assessment. If the child or young person does not want to share a picture of themselves, find out something unique about the child or something that they like to remind practitioners of the child's individuality.
9. Give all children and young people the opportunity to provide feedback. Ensure you share a copy of the children's feedback form during or at the end of their case

Below is the British Sign Language (BSL) version of the Top tips for Cafcass practitioners for keeping children and young people informed and keeping them at the centre of their case:

The FJYPB and Allsorts Youth Project have worked together to create these top tips for professionals who work with transgender children and young people.

1. Avoid making assumptions about a young person's gender identity based on their appearance. Always ask them for their preferred pronoun (he/she/they) and don't assume this is obvious! It is helpful if you share your pronoun with them first when you introduce yourself e.g. "My name is x and my preferred pronoun is x, how about you?" If you have not had the chance to ask the young person about their gender identity, be sure to use gender neutral pronouns (they/them) when referring to them, until you are sure.
2. If a young person has shared with you that they are trans, it is only appropriate to ask them to disclose details of their gender identity if it is relevant to the issues you are working with them on.
3. Ask the young person whether they need trans specific support (but don't assume that they do). Update yourself on available resources and local support services for both young people and parents/carers.
4. Explore with the young person how they feel comfortable sharing information about their identity to other professionals working with them, on a need to know basis only. Sharing information about a young person's trans status without their knowledge or consent (unless legally required to do so) is a breach of their confidentially.
5. Don't encourage the young person to 'come out' about their trans status to their parents/carers if they are unaware, unless they have told you that they want to. Pushing a young person to disclose that they are trans before they are ready could be detrimental to their wellbeing and/or safety. There is never any obligation for a young person to 'come out'.
6. Consider that a child/young person living with a parent or carer who doesn't respect their identity can be at emotional risk and this may be a potential safeguarding concern.
7. Don't make the young person feel like they're creating extra work for you being sensitive to their needs.
8. Make yourself and your office a trans friendly area by displaying specific posters, badges and stickers that show support - but only if you are!
9. Never ask, suggest, or dismiss a young person's trans identity as a phase. This is invalidating of their identity and could inhibit trust between you.
10. Consider creating a gender-neutral toilet in your building. Trans young people have the right to access a toilet that reflects their gender identity and being prevented from doing so or fear associated with reasons from others when using the appropriate bathroom can cause trans young people significant distress.

Below is the British Sign Language (BSL) version of the Top tips for working with trans children and young people:

The FJYPB and Allsorts Youth Project have worked together to create these top tips for professionals who work with lesbian, gay or bisexual children and young people.

1. If asking a young person about their relationship status, do not assume the gender of their partner. It is always best to use gender neutral language when asking the question. “Do you have a partner?” is better than “do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”
2. If a young person tells you that they have an opposite gendered partner, this does not mean they are heterosexual, just as having a same gendered partner does not make them gay! Don’t assume a young person’s sexual orientation, ask them.
3. Be conscious of not perpetuating stereotypes about LGB people e.g. assuming all gay men are camp/effeminate; lesbian women are butch/masculine; bisexual people are ‘confused’ and so on. 
4. Do not encourage the young person to ‘come out’ about being LGB to their parents/carers if they are unaware, unless they have told you that they want to. Pushing a young person to disclose that they are LGB before they are ready could be detrimental to their wellbeing and/or safety. There is never any obligation for a young person to ‘come out’.
5. Consider that a child/young person living with a parent or carer who doesn't respect their identity can be at emotional risk and there may be a potential safeguarding concern.
6. Ask the young person whether they need any LGB specific support (but don’t assume that they do.) Inform yourself of available resources and local support options for both young people and parents/carers.
7. Rainbow flags, badges or LGBT specific posters can help young people to feel that they are in a safe and inclusive space and identify you as a LBG supporter.
8. Consider carefully whether sharing information with other professionals about a young person being LGB is relevant to the issue you are supporting them with.
9. Never ask, suggest, or dismiss a young person’s LGB identity as a phase. This is invalidating of their identity and could inhibit trust between you.
10. If you are unsure whether asking a young LGB person about their relationships and identity is appropriate (unless it relates to their safety), consider whether you would ask a heterosexual young person the same thing. If not, reflect on whether it is a necessary question.

Below is the British Sign Language (BSL) version of the Top tips for working with LGB children and young people:

The FJYPB have devised these top tips for parents to help them think about matters from their child’s perspective.

1. Remember I have the right to see both of my parents as long as it is safe for me.
2. I can have a relationship with the partner of my other parent without this changing my love for you.
3. Try to have good communication with my other parent because it will help me. Speak to them nicely.
4. Keep my other parent updated about my needs and what is happening for me. I might need their help too.
5. Don’t say bad things about my other parent, especially if I can hear. Remember I can often overhear your conversations or see your social media comments.
6. Remember it is ok for me to love and have a relationship with my other parent.
7. Don’t make me feel guilty about spending time with my other parent.
8. Don’t make permanent decisions about my life based on how you feel at the moment. Think about how I feel now and how I might feel in the future. My wishes might change.
9. Be open to change, be flexible and compromise when agreeing arrangements for me.
10. Its ok with me if my parents don’t do things exactly the same. You are both different and that’s alright with me.
11. Don’t be possessive over me and the things that belong to me. Make it easy for me to take the things I need when I spend time with my other parent, such as schoolwork, PE kits, clothes, books, games, phone etc. Let me choose what I want to take with me.
12. Keep me informed about any changes to my arrangements.
13. Try not to feel hurt if I choose to spend time with my friends instead of seeing you. I am growing up!
14. Remember that important dates (birthdays, celebrations, parents evening, sports day etc) are special to you, me and my other parent. I may want to share my time on those dates with each of you.
15. Work out between you and my other parent who is responsible for the extra things I need, such as new school shoes and uniform, school trips, dinner money and the cost of my hobbies or after school activities. I don’t want to be involved in this.
16. Remember that I don’t expect you or my other parent to be perfect, so I don't want you to expect my other parent to be perfect either. Accept mistakes and move on.
17. Make sure I am not left out of key family events. Please compromise with my other parent so I can join in.
18. Please don’t stop me having contact with extended family members who are important to me. Ask me how I feel about them. Don’t assume my feelings are the same as yours.
19. Don’t use me as a messenger between you and my other parent.
20. Don’t use my relationship with my other parent against me, or them.
21. Don’t ask me to lie to my other parent or other family members.
22. Don’t ask me to lie to professionals, or to say what you want me to say.
23. Don't make me scared to say what I think about my arrangements for fear of being told off or treated badly by you if you don't agree.
24. Remember that I might want something different to my brother or sister. 
25. Don’t worry about how others see you or what they think. I am what matters.

Below is the British Sign Language (BSL) version of the Top tips for separating parents:

The FJYPB has devised some top tips for professionals working with children and young who have experience of and been affected domestic abuse.

1. Make sure that the child knows that it is not their fault and they are not responsible for the protection of others.
2. Focus on the child’s experience, not just that of their parents.
3. Ask the child if they feel safe and if not, what will make them feel safe.
4. Children may not have seen a specific incident, but they may have heard it or have been exposed to the after effects. Remember this can be just as terrifying for a child.
5. Recognise that many children and young people will be very worried and scared about the parent who is the victim of domestic violence and may want to protect them. This could mean putting themselves in harm's way.
6. Realise that children may be able to recognise the warning signs before abuse happens and they may need advice as to how to assess support at this point rather than after an incident has taken place.
7. Understand that some children may not recognise a parent's (perpetrator's) actions as abusive and they may want to protect them.
8. Just because a child does not permanently live in the situation does not mean that they are not exposed to domestic abuse or affected by it. Understand that the impact on the child may have a long-term affect.
9. Be aware that the way parents act in front of a professional is not always the same as how they are at home with the child.
10. Be aware that some children and young people may be embarrassed about what is happening or what has happened.
11. Understand that certain cultures may be less likely to speak out about domestic violence.
12. Let the child fully express their emotions, including what they think, feel and want to happen.
13. Explain to the child the different types of abuse and talk about what a healthy relationship should be like.
14. Encourage the child or young person to get support, make them aware of the services available to them and help them access the support. Each child needs to know whom they can contact if they feel scared.
15. Think about any other children and young people who are in a new relationship with the violent parent (e.g. stepchildren).
16. Young people could be experiencing abuse within their own personal relationships, not just in their family.
17. Do not assume that a child will fully understand what confidentially means, make sure they know what information is confidential and what you will need to share and with whom. Also consider what is the impact likely to be on the child as a result of you sharing the information.

Below is the British Sign Language (BSL) version of the Top tips for working with children and young people affected by domestic abuse:

A sibling or ‘brother and/or sister’ relationship is likely to last longer than any other relationship in our lives. When this relationship is disrupted, or not maintained, the impact on brother and/or sister groups can be considerable. The FJYPB have developed some top tips for professionals when working with brothers and/or sister groups.

1. Stop using the word ‘sibling’. Use brother, sister or the word that the child is familiar with.
2. Ask the child or young person whom they consider their brother(s) and/or sister(s) to be.
3. Listen to the voice of each child individually. Children within the same family may have a different view. 
4. Make your decision based on what you think would be best for each individual child.
5. Professionals need to see brother and/or sister relationships as being as important as a parent or grandparent relationship, whether it be full brother and/or sister, half-brother and/or sister, step brother and/or sister or foster brother and/or sister.
6. Give children in the same family the choice to speak to you separately.
7. Not all brothers and sisters may want to be seen at the same place. If you have to see them all in one session find a place that is acceptable and comfortable for all.
8. If appropriate, it is important to keep brothers and/or sisters together or to maintain a good level of contact during family breakdown.
9. Encourage parents to give consideration to the brother and/or sister relationship when completing the Parenting Plan and encourage them to make provision for siblings to share contact.
10. Professionals should give consideration to the brother and/or sister relationship when preparing reports.
11. Remember that a child or young person may not always have a healthy or safe relationship with their brother or sister.
12. Consider both individual and combined needs. Consider the relationships for children and young people with brother(s) and/or sister(s) who are not involved in the court proceedings and the potential impact upon these relationships of the decisions made by the court.
13. Explain what the impact of the decision made will have not only on the children who are subject to the proceedings, but on all of their brothers and sisters too – what will happen going forward?

FJYPB members have developed a set of top tips for teachers based on what they found useful or wished that their teachers had done for them during and after their proceedings.

1. Educate yourself (and your team) about family law proceedings, especially the difference between public and private Law. Check out the Cafcass website.
2. Get to know the basics on what is going on for me and my family, try to understand what my lived experience is and how that might be affecting me; my mental health, my physical health, my behaviour and my ability to stay focused at school.
3. Check in with me (be discreet) to see if my circumstances have changed – I may need help.
4. Be understanding; if I live between my two parents (who don’t communicate) it can be hard for me to always remember what I need from each home.
5. Recognise subtle changes in my behaviour – I may have witnessed something difficult and don’t know how to talk about it.
6. I might not be able to concentrate as well in class when I am worried about things going on at home or in court.
7. If I have an appointment to meet with my Social Worker or Cafcass worker, I may be worried about it. I may have to talk about some really difficult things. Think about how that may affect me in the classroom; perhaps I could have some time after my meeting before I go back to class.
8. I may not have told my friends about what is going on at home, so I may need your help to find reasons for me missing school to attend meetings or court.
9. I can often feel alone, so it may be helpful for you to signpost me to support services that could help me.
10. It would be good to have time in class to talk about more real-life issues such as family life.

Below is the British Sign Language (BSL) version of the Top tips for teachers:

The FJYPB have developed some top tips to help parents and children spend quality time together online.

1. Why not video call at a mealtime and eat together? Maybe you could both make the same meal and enjoy it together.
2. Think about doing some exercise together. You could: Video call each other whilst doing some exercising. You could check out some classes on YouTube; or try to call each other during a short walk near your homes; Set each other fun challenges such as dance routines, exercise or something artistic and then film it and share with each other. 
3. Why not help with homework? You could help with specific activities, set some quizzes, spelling tests, maths, help with revision or help find useful websites and resources.
4. Watch the same TV programme or movie before you see each other and then challenge each other with quiz questions about it. Or simply sit back and watch together. 
5. There are loads of game you could play together. Here are just a few ideas: online games- you could both play the same game together; simple paper and pen games like hangman, I-spy or noughts and crosses; board games; Lego- you could build something and ask the other person to guess what it is; quizzes either online or one you make yourself 
6. You could read together or to each other. Either a schoolbook, a favourite book or even a bedtime story.
7. You could both complete a jigsaw or puzzle. Work on it separately or together, and then chat about it during your video calls.
8. Try baking your favourite treats. You could watch your child bake or even try to bake at the same time and see whose is best.
9. Could you draw a picture together? See who does the best picture.
10. Could you create music together or sing together? If you play an instrument then use it and if not then use pots, pans and anything else you can find.
11. Play a game to see how fast your child can collect something from around their house. e.g. a spoon, soft toy, book. etc. 

Remember the most important thing is to have fun!

• Try to make it as interactive as possible.
• If your child loses interest, don't be upset. Try to think of something else to do or bring the session to an end.
• Don't feel like you must always talk, something it's better to just enjoy the time together. 
• Remember to keep questions focussed on your child and keep them light-hearted. 

Below is the British Sign Language (BSL) version of the FJYPB top tips for spending time together online

The Family Justice Young People’s Board (FJYPB) want YOU to look out for the signs or indicators of mental ill health in children and young people and to TAKE ACTION to support them.

1. Listen to me.
2. Be patient and sensitive.
3. Introduce yourself with an interesting fact. Ask me how I am, ask me how you can help me and ask me if anything has changed recently. Keep in regular contact.
4. Ask the other people involved how I have been recently and if anything has or is due to change that might affect my mental health.
5. Take time to get to know me and understand my needs. Don’t assume anything – see how I react first. 
6. Acknowledge my condition and its challenges. Tell me about how you might relate to what I am experiencing and how you dealt with it e.g. grief –the feeling of loss.
7. Understand my cultural background and how it might affect my mental health.
8. Encourage me to talk about how I feel and get my emotions out. Don’t be judgemental.
9. Make any necessary referrals on my behalf and keep me updated on the progress.
10. Remove or reduce any triggers. If there is a known trigger – don’t ask, write it down.
11. Proactively seek extra training beyond what is provided, so you know how best to help me.
12. Give me options – ask me if I want to answer the harder questions first. After the options, check in with me and ask what I think. Tell me when the questions are over.
13. Recognise positive changes (no matter how ‘small’ those changes are) as improvement.
14. Identify a positive role model for me.
15. Signpost me to other services and online resources.
16. Meet me in a neutral environment

Below is the British Sign Language (BSL) version of the Top tips for  for supporting children and young people's mental health:

BE PREPARED 

• Don't make any assumptions about me and my needs. Please just ask me or ask the people in my life who help me.
• Understand what my 'triggers' are and what you can do to remove or reduce these when we meet.
• Routines can be very important to me, so be careful to avoid setting up meetings in my protected time.
• Ask me where I would prefer to meet and when is best for me.
• Let me know before we meet the types of things, we will be talking about so that I know what to expect
  from our meeting.

REMEMBER: We are all unique and neurodiversity is a spectrum; everyone's needs and abilities are different.

MAKING SURE I AM COMFORTABLE

• Ask me if I want someone with me to make me feel more comfortable - this could be a teacher or friend.
• Reduce any background noises or visual distractions. I will want to be able to fully focus on our meeting.
• I may find it difficult to give eye contact and I may prefer to use fidget toys or draw whilst I am speaking and listening.
• It’s important that I’m comfortable throughout the meeting, not just at the start. If I’m finding it difficult to respond, you should pause and ask if I want a break.

MEETING WITH ME

• Give me your time, get to know me first and build up trust between us.
• Be patient - I might test you and share 'some' information to see how you respond before I share my whole truth.
• Try to avoid asking me general open questions, I may prefer more specific questions and examples.
• I might not show my emotions, but don’t assume I don’t feel them. I may need a break so please ask me.
• I may misunderstand what you are asking and therefore give you an answer that might not align with what you are trying to learn about me and my life. Mirror back what you understood from what I have said and check with me that this was my intention. 
• Ask me if I want to see and read your notes, I might be worried about what you have recorded.
• Help me plan what I want to share about our meeting with my family and friends. They will ask and I might be worried about what to say.
• KEEP ME UPDATED: Tell me what is going to happen next, with timescales, so I know what to expect. I don’t like uncertainty, reassure me that things are still happening and keep me up to date with this.